Chillin With Kat:
Who would have thought that on the cusp of turning fifty, I would be foot loose and free? I always envisioned my life would include the fabulous husband, enchanting kids, great job and all. Yet….this thing called life has not worked out exactly as I had thought. Yes, I have the enchanting kids (adult children I might add), a wonderful job (one I love and pays me well) and all….but the fabulous husband? Nope. And while for the past 49 years I have been a believer that in order for life to be great, it was necessary to have the fabulous husband… or at least a husband, here I am husband-less….and turning 50 to boot.
To Marry or Not
But not because I couldn’t be married. I was. I now know that while it wasn’t a great marriage, it wasn’t bad either. I am grateful as my two sons, Andrew and Nick were a product of my marriage. They are my heart and I can’t imagine my life without them. I always wanted to and thought I would remarry and possibly have more kids – Lord knows I tried.
And I could have remarried. But the man I was engaged to sucked the life out of me, wanting me all to himself, not respecting me as an individual, as a woman, even as a mom. So I chose to leave so that I could be me. Now I choose, without hassle, with whom I share my time. To spend time with my grown adult children and aging parents without worry. To see my friends as often as I like. To work however many hours are required to get the job done. It is almost embarrassing to think I almost sold out – not only those I love but also myself….all to have a husband. But fortunately, I did not.
I would be lying if I said this birthday didn’t bother me. It has been the birthday that has caused me the most grief. Much time has been spent reflecting life as it is versus what I thought it would be ending in a sinking feeling. It seems to me that I am on the top of the mountain and half of my life is over and the only way is downhill. Yet, the reality that if I live to the average life expectant age of 86.6 years (according to the Social Security Administration), I should have felt this black cloud of doom 7 years ago when I turned 43!
Fifty & Fabulous
If I have 36 more years to live and think back 36 years ago when I was merely 14, well, WOW! That is a lot of living!! Two proms, four fun-filled years of college, two sons, seven employers, nine cars, countless vacations, many great memories with family, with my dear friends and even good times with significant others over the years. It is true that I won’t have 50+ years of marriage to one man like my parents, but as they say…that is life. I have had 50 great years of life blessed with love from my parents, my sons, and my friends. There is no guarantee on how long we will be on this side nor of what our lives will look like….so I will embrace it. How Do You Embrace Being Fifty & Fabulously Free?
Until next Time…
Chillin with Kat
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